A Natural

My stepsister sometimes has these things she says out of nowhere and with complete conviction. Tonight we were discussing music and the role of solfège in music. My dad said something like: "Yeah, it's really hard." And all of a sudden my stepsister says: "Oh well I never learned how to do it so I must be a natural."

She's 8 years old.

Love from Cindy :3

Relatively Good News

My father's disease hasn't spread any further so they will go through with the radiation therapy and the operation and we actually have a fighting chance. There is hope.

I also will be able to attend my uncle's funeral thanks to my stepmother who has been so kind to support me financially (and mentally of course).
I have made arrangements with one of my jobs and school. For the other job I'll have to move my working hours to another day but at least I'll be able to go.

On a different note: my father and his girlfriend are getting married.
They haven't picked a date yet but it will probably be soon. I wish them all the happiness in the world even in these unfortunate circumstances.

Love from Cindy :3

Life & Death

First of all a warning because this post is going to be a bit depressing...

Yesterday my uncle died. He had been sick for a while and we all knew this was coming. It still came as a shock, as death always does. Him and his wife only recently lost their grandson to a train accident. She has had more than one difficult period in her life and I'm amazed at how she's holding up. Unfortunately most of my family lives in Iceland and the last two times I went to Iceland it was because of a funeral. I probably won't be able to attend my uncle's funeral, next to having two jobs I also have school. Not to mention the fact that I don't have enough money to pay for my ticket. My sister and my mother will be going but I feel guilty about not being able to pay my respects to someone I knew so well when I was younger. I'm sorry and I hope wherever you are you can read this.
We love you.

Love from Saskia

Too early

Today I had a Bachelor day at the University of Amsterdam to see if I would like to study Cultural Anthropology. As usual I left way too late and cycled as fast as I could to make it in time.
When I got there the lady at the counter said: "wow you're early." I thought she meant it in a sarcastic way. So I told her I got lost.
Then she said: "You do realize that you're one hour early?"
Me: "Oh yeah of course, I left early because I was afraid to get lost."
Damn I could have slept one hour longer!
So I usefully spent an hour drawing and coloring instead.

I think I'd like Cultural Anthropology. I also went to see General Social Science but I didn't like it one bit. We'll see what the future brings.

Love from Cindy :3

Hugs

I told a couple of teachers about my situation and they've all been incredibly supportive. One of my teachers took me to the hallway and actually hugged me. Every time I look sad my friends will just start hugging me and this gives me more strength than you can imagine (virtual and telepathic hugs are also greatly appreciated). Sometimes I wonder how I survived my year in Japan without hugs. So I would like thank everyone for their support and the unannounced hugs I've been getting. They're my fuel right now. If you see me, hug me whenever you can and I don't really care whether it's appropriate or not.

Love from Cindy :3

Waiting Again

Today is my fathers birthday! He had to go to the hospital for some tests and scans. Afterwards the doctor talked to us about what exactly was going to happen from now on. We didn't get any good news. There is something on the scan that isn't right and they have to test to see if it's part of the disease. If it isn't it will continue as planned and he will be operated and have radiation therapy. If it is they won't operate and there's no chance of a full recovery. So now we're waiting yet again for some tests and results...

My Chemistry test today didn't go very well. My cold is getting worse and I had trouble concentrating. Besides I'm not good at chemistry to begin with.

Good thing tonight I'll be going to a concert of Scouting for Girls!
The tickets are a birthday present from a very good friend of mine.

Sometimes I sit in the bus and I play all these different scenarios in my head. Imagine riding a bus that is driving next to water. An accident occurs and the bus is driven into the river. You're one of the few conscious people left and you have the chance to save maybe one or two other people.
Who do you save? I wonder, I look around the bus and try to decide these things. Because all the people I see are complete strangers the only thing I can do is think about who has the highest survival chance and choose the people that would die without me but live with my help. What would you do?

Love from Cindy :3

School Exams Week

Today I had a German oral exam. My teacher was going to hire me as an Au pair. Maybe telling him that I was chaotic was not a very smart thing to do. He said he needed his children to live in an organized house, after that I just kept digging my own grave. So I thought it went ok but not great. Turns out I got an 8/10! It made me feel a bit better before the actual torture of the day.

A math test... I tried I really did. I just forgot how to calculate the standard deviation. Stupid statistic and probability theory.

Luckily I could end my day with some fun too. I liked visiting my sister and seeing my nephew and niece again. Playing mariokart for the wii with my nephew is not exactly relaxing though. He shouts out that I'm losing every 3 seconds, and tries to sabotage me in every way possibly. My nephew is 4 and his little sister is almost 2 years old. I love them both I really do but sometimes they test my patience and make me doubt my dream as a future mother. When my nephew jumps on me when I'm lying on the couch and hits me in the crotch for the tenth time it just makes me feel grateful for the fact that I'm not a guy.

Love from Cindy :3

Back again

I stopped posting for more than a year, I know. But since my life is pretty busy and a lot of things are making me confused I thought I'd start this blog again to maybe make things easier for myself to process and understand. So here it goes.

About a week ago I heard my father was seriously ill and I felt like my world was falling apart. His chances aren't very good but of course we will do everything in our power to help him and his spirits are high.

My stepmother and I didn't take the news very well but now we're slowly getting back up.

I also have some good news. I got hired as a photographer for a sport photography company. This week I'll take my first pictures and send them back. The first 13 weeks I will be a beginner, a trainee. After those 13 weeks hopefully I'll be a Freelancer. This is much closer to my interests than the job at the food selling place! Mostly I'll be taking pictures of children sport teams. It's like a being school photographer except for sports.

Today I talked to a friend of mine in Australia. I haven't actually ever met him but I hope to meet him when I go to Australia next year. Next to my photography job I also have a job at a call-centre. It's not my dream job but the pay is good and I have some fun conversations. Just last week I had an old lady talking to me about her internet. She said she was very proud to have completed 2 computer courses and she only just started using, what's that called again? ...E-mail! Old ladies are so cute :)

Love from Cindy :3