Last Post

This will be my last blog post on this blog. It has been a while since I've posted. A lot of things have been going on in my life. Right now the biggest event I'm looking forward to is a trip to Australia that I have been planning since the beginning of this year. The job that I took as a tele marketeer to finance my plans has been an interesting experience and I would like to share some fragments of my most memorable conversations that I've had while selling things to people over the phone. 


Me: "Sir what is the number on your driver's license?" 
Customer #1: "If I tell you will you see my picture on your screen?" 
Me: "No, it's just to verify your identity."
Customer #1: "Oh too bad, I'm sure you would date me if you could see me."
*I keep my professionalism and he understands he's getting nowhere so the conversation continues*
Me: "My friend has this phone and she likes it very much."
Customer #1: "Is your friend hot? I'm single you know."
Me: "She's happily engaged so it's not going to happen."
Customer #1: "I'm sure if she saw me she would leave him for me."
Me: "I doubt it."


Me: "Good day! This is Cindy Flowers calling you about mobile phones am I calling you at a good time?"
Customer #2: "Sure, go ahead dear."
Me: "So what provider do you use for your mobile phone right now?"
Customer #2: "I'm not sure I would have to check, give me one second to find my phone... Usually I keep it in my pocket but it's not there right now... Maybe it's in the closet... It's not there either! Where did I put my mobile phone?!?!"
Me: "Ma'm aren't I calling you on your mobile phone right now?"
Customer #2: *Silence*


*Just after I sell a phone to my customer*
Customer #3: "So can I call you if I have a problem with the phone?"
Me: "You can always call our customers service but I won't be there because I'm going on vacation."
Customer #3: "Oh that's nice. Where are you going?"
Me: "Australia."
Customer #3: "Oh! That's far! How long are you staying."
Me: "Quite a while."
*The conversation continues about weather, beaches and sharks*
Customer #3: "So when are you leaving?"
Me: "On the 16th of November."
Customer #3: "I'll write it down on my calendar and I'll think about you on that day."
Me: "Ok."
Customer #3: "I feel like my daughter is leaving for Australia."
Me: "..."
Customer #3: "I have always wanted a daughter."
Me: "I see."
Customer #3: "How old are you?"
Me: "20"
Customer #3: "Oh the perfect age! Please be careful and make sure you send me an e-mail ok?"
Me: "Ok... Goodbye then..."


*At the end of a conversation*
Me: "And I wish you a pleasant day ma'm."
*Customer #4 lowers voice*
Customer #4: "I can lower my voice for you, but it's definitely sir."


*I comment on the customer's e-mail containing the name of his wife*
Customer #5: " Romantic isn't it? I still love her very much even after all these years."
Me: "I am always envious of people staying together, happy, for such a long time."
Customer #5: "Why? Do you have a bad fella?" 
Me: "No, none at all."
Customer #5: "Well both of my sons are still single if you're interested!" 
Me: "I'll pass but thanks for the offer..."

I'll admit I will miss my colleagues. I have grown to like quite a few of them. Especially the guy that said he couldn't live without cats despite his allergies. The boss that let us do pretty much whatever we wanted and put up with my constant whining about Australia. The guy that puts his head on mine whenever I stand next to him just to prove how short I am. The girl that was completely crazy about Korea and Japan and wanted to kill me for speaking Japanese. The guy that I would discuss anything related to religion, politics, relationships, sex and love with. Even the creepy guy that I only met once and asked if he could play with my hair. Even though I complained about the long hours and the repetition it was nice to have something stable in my life. I'm the kind of person, despite appearances, who likes to plan things. My trip to Australia is one big question mark after I arrive so naturally about 35 days before I am supposed to leave I had a tiny anxiety attack and told a good friend of mine that I was going to cancel my flight. She said: "Chickening out is not part of your cancelation insurance." She was right of course. Now it's less than 20 days away and I am still completely freaking out. If you would like to follow my freaking out I will be starting a new blog about Australia here. I guess I will see you guys Down Under ;3

Of course there is always Skype.

Love from Cindy :3

Social Contact

Social contact is hard. Lately, whenever I am in an environment that requires socializing, I catch myself thinking that it's tiring. I love spending time with my friends, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I have made enough friends for a while. Maintaining a friendship is hard work and the more friends you have the more time and effort you need to put into them to make them worthwhile. One of my friends, that I consider one of my closest friends, always gets excited at the idea of new friends. While all I can think is "It's nice to meet all these people but I hope they're not expecting me to stay in contact." Facebook has made things more difficult in a way. To me it's like constantly being reminded of a number of people in your list of friends that you feel guilty about not staying in touch with. But I refuse to make any friendship I have feel like an obligation. I may have some friends I see rarely and some that I see a few times a year but I never feel obligated to see them and I truly enjoy spending time with them. My friends mean the world to me and I couldn't imagine my life without them. Especially now, thank you so much.

My father's tests came out negative and this means they will be operating him on the 21st. I was supposed to leave for Germany on the 14th this month but seeing how bad my timing is I will be leaving a bit later. My father has been training a lot to get in shape for the operation but he still hasn't given up on smoking! You would think that if you're life depended on it (more directly than usual) quitting would be a small price to pay...

Oh and one tip. Do not listen to 'I just had sex' while your mother is in the same room she will comment on it and it will be awkward.

Love from Cindy :3

Chaos

Today was just another day at work except that 'cute coffee guy' has changed into 'scary mafia guy'. I nearly burst into laughter when he greeted me and I realized that he was this person in a suit, wearing sunglasses and had enough gel in his hair to make Elvis jealous.

The urge to write something has been growing for weeks now, but since there have been so many things going on in my life I just didn't know where to start. First of all congratulations to my father and his new wife! The wedding was lovely and everyone seemed to have a great time.

I finally passed my exams. I didn't realize how badly I doubted myself until I felt the joy of finally graduating High School. I seriously wonder what I would have done if I had failed. Anyway no need to ponder on that since this is a joyous moment. Next week will be the graduation ceremony and I will finally be handed that piece of paper that gives me the freedom to study whatever I want.

I bought a car! A blue Peugeot 205, it's my new little baby. (Actually my father paid me back what the car had cost me as a graduation gift! Yay more freedom!) Since the new car I have been driving more but my sense of direction isn't getting any better. So I did some calculations and came to the conclusion that buying a GPS system would be cheaper than getting lost all the time. I'm hoping for it to arrive this week!

Now for a tiny bit of bad news, they found some 'activity' in my father's intestines and they will be testing him further before telling us whether he will be operated or put into palliative care. I'm just hoping it's nothing once again so we can finally have something to work with instead of this constant insecurity.

Love from Cindy :3

Right & Wrong

Last night I had a rather disturbing dream. I dreamt about a man who worshipped the Devil and a friend of his that believed in God. The man who worshipped the Devil wanted to kill his wife because she cheated on him. The man who believed in God said he would kill him if he attempted it. But then when the Devil worshipper saw his wife with his two children smiling he couldn't do it anymore. The man who believed in God dropped his weapon (some type of gun that he brought) and looked at him as if in fear. Then the Devil worshipper said to the other man: "Don't you see that I'm just as afraid of your God as you are of mine?"

This dream made me think of what is right and what is wrong and how it relates to religion. I was raised with an open mind. My father and mother left me free to develop my own beliefs. I was baptised as a child but I chose not to go through with communion because I felt I couldn't lie to an entire belief, pretending to believe in the same thing when I wasn't sure what I believed in. I never followed the 'Word of God' in what was right or wrong. I just followed the rules of society and my own conscience. But even now when I'm already legally an adult I still don't know what to believe. And I'm not sure that I'll ever find the answer. So until I "see the light" I will call myself an Agnostic and follow the rules I have followed all these years. They have worked for me so far.

Love from Cindy :3

Wedding Invitation

A while ago my dad and a group of his friends were talking about his up coming wedding. My dad was telling them about where it was going to be and what time it was going to start when he casually said that I was going to design the invitations. He hadn't even asked me! I looked at him and said: "I am?" He said: "Oh right, hey will you design the invitations for us?" Of course I said yes but I decided to wait until all the invitations were sent out to post this so I wouldn't spoil the surprise.

Love from Cindy :3

Berry Fever!

It's strawberry season again! We've been eating lots of strawberry at home (nomnomnom) . Today at work, the morning didn't go so well, I couldn't reach my target and I almost choked twice on nothing really. My supervisor thought I had Pertussis. I've had this cough for weeks now so I really hope he's wrong. Anyway, I was getting some tea for the 20th time for my throat when there were a woman eating strawberries. She offered me some! After that I didn't have any cough attacks and I actually reached my target! Moral of the story? We should all give more strawberries to strangers!

Love from Cindy :3

Update

To make up for the lack of posts I decided to put up the doodles I drew; with and without any particular story.

A little while ago I visited a good friend of mine in her new house. When I went to the bathroom the light was acting funny going on and off like a bad horror movie. I wasn't scared until I couldn't unlock the door anymore. The door just wouldn't budge and so finally my friend had to release me by opening it with a screw driver...

A few nights ago I had a very odd dream involving Huge Candy that turned evil...

My dad's radiation- and chemo-therapy has started.

To save money for my traveling plans I decided to sell all the books that I didn't read anymore. So I had to remove the books from my bookcase and put them next to my desk to offer them on a website and have them ready to ship when they're sold. So my bedroom looks like this:

My closet looked like this for a short while but I filled it up with lots of junk and pictures. A friend of mine said that empty bookcases make him feel sad and it made me want to doodle this.

In my office, my boss put up a huge canvas of Rome and since I have some free time in between calls I decided to try and draw the Colosseum, see here my feeble attempt.

I was drawing the sun and then I decided that after rain comes sunshine should be the message but I guess I drew it the other way around.

Also, here's a picture of the Art project I was working on and almost ruined with red ink.

And a painted version because I had time to spare.

Love from Cindy :3

p.s. I didn't win the car.

Good Day

Today was a good day. I fixed my piece for art class that I thought I'd ruined by splashing red ink all over it but I somehow managed to save it. I wasn't really looking forward to going to work this evening but it turned out to be a great shift. The targets that were set were easily met and because everyone was on target our supervisor gave us free ice-cream! And to top it all a new (cute) guy at work got me some coffee! I almost ruined my day by falling up the stairs while I was running to catch my train but I got up and made it anyway. Moral of the story? When you fall, just get up and keep on going!

Love from Cindy :3

On the Radio

Yesterday something incredible happened to me. Normally I never text radio stations. For some reason I thought I'd text my favorite radio station to participate in some kind of game to win a car. You had to predict in which minute the first yellow card would be given in the soccer game of that evening. I guessed right and now I'm a finalist to win the Tesla Roadster. Only the name of the car is enough for me to want it. Next week I'll be going to the radio station's studio. Keep your fingers crossed.

Today I'll be going to Zeeland for a weekend diving trip with my SCUBA diving club. I have never been on one of these trips so I'm pretty exited.

Love from Cindy :3

Back Home

Apart from the funeral, coming to Iceland was actually quite nice. It was nice to see my family again and it was good to catch up on my Icelandic. I was born in Reykjavik but I never lived there or went to an Icelandic school so my speech is not completely fluent. My Icelandic gets me around but it's not as good as I would like it to be. I sometimes get into a situation where some older person that can only speak Icelandic talks to me and I understand them but am unable to answer them. During the reception after the funeral one of my aunts was making a joke and everyone at my table was laughing except me. I was just looking around stupidly trying to get the joke.

Sometimes things go unnoticed until a certain experience makes you see things from a different perspective. In this case I'm talking about traffic. Since I recently got my drivers license I see things differently and I realized that Icelandic drivers really don't care about traffic rules at all. Traffic isn't as busy as in Amsterdam but it's at least as chaotic and dangerous. Tail gating, passing cars from left and right and suddenly changing lanes without a signal is all very normal in Iceland, apparently. My drivers instructor told me that “If you learn how to drive in Amsterdam you can drive anywhere.” Yeah I'm not so sure about that anymore.

Love from Cindy :3

A Natural

My stepsister sometimes has these things she says out of nowhere and with complete conviction. Tonight we were discussing music and the role of solfège in music. My dad said something like: "Yeah, it's really hard." And all of a sudden my stepsister says: "Oh well I never learned how to do it so I must be a natural."

She's 8 years old.

Love from Cindy :3

Relatively Good News

My father's disease hasn't spread any further so they will go through with the radiation therapy and the operation and we actually have a fighting chance. There is hope.

I also will be able to attend my uncle's funeral thanks to my stepmother who has been so kind to support me financially (and mentally of course).
I have made arrangements with one of my jobs and school. For the other job I'll have to move my working hours to another day but at least I'll be able to go.

On a different note: my father and his girlfriend are getting married.
They haven't picked a date yet but it will probably be soon. I wish them all the happiness in the world even in these unfortunate circumstances.

Love from Cindy :3

Life & Death

First of all a warning because this post is going to be a bit depressing...

Yesterday my uncle died. He had been sick for a while and we all knew this was coming. It still came as a shock, as death always does. Him and his wife only recently lost their grandson to a train accident. She has had more than one difficult period in her life and I'm amazed at how she's holding up. Unfortunately most of my family lives in Iceland and the last two times I went to Iceland it was because of a funeral. I probably won't be able to attend my uncle's funeral, next to having two jobs I also have school. Not to mention the fact that I don't have enough money to pay for my ticket. My sister and my mother will be going but I feel guilty about not being able to pay my respects to someone I knew so well when I was younger. I'm sorry and I hope wherever you are you can read this.
We love you.

Love from Saskia

Too early

Today I had a Bachelor day at the University of Amsterdam to see if I would like to study Cultural Anthropology. As usual I left way too late and cycled as fast as I could to make it in time.
When I got there the lady at the counter said: "wow you're early." I thought she meant it in a sarcastic way. So I told her I got lost.
Then she said: "You do realize that you're one hour early?"
Me: "Oh yeah of course, I left early because I was afraid to get lost."
Damn I could have slept one hour longer!
So I usefully spent an hour drawing and coloring instead.

I think I'd like Cultural Anthropology. I also went to see General Social Science but I didn't like it one bit. We'll see what the future brings.

Love from Cindy :3

Hugs

I told a couple of teachers about my situation and they've all been incredibly supportive. One of my teachers took me to the hallway and actually hugged me. Every time I look sad my friends will just start hugging me and this gives me more strength than you can imagine (virtual and telepathic hugs are also greatly appreciated). Sometimes I wonder how I survived my year in Japan without hugs. So I would like thank everyone for their support and the unannounced hugs I've been getting. They're my fuel right now. If you see me, hug me whenever you can and I don't really care whether it's appropriate or not.

Love from Cindy :3

Waiting Again

Today is my fathers birthday! He had to go to the hospital for some tests and scans. Afterwards the doctor talked to us about what exactly was going to happen from now on. We didn't get any good news. There is something on the scan that isn't right and they have to test to see if it's part of the disease. If it isn't it will continue as planned and he will be operated and have radiation therapy. If it is they won't operate and there's no chance of a full recovery. So now we're waiting yet again for some tests and results...

My Chemistry test today didn't go very well. My cold is getting worse and I had trouble concentrating. Besides I'm not good at chemistry to begin with.

Good thing tonight I'll be going to a concert of Scouting for Girls!
The tickets are a birthday present from a very good friend of mine.

Sometimes I sit in the bus and I play all these different scenarios in my head. Imagine riding a bus that is driving next to water. An accident occurs and the bus is driven into the river. You're one of the few conscious people left and you have the chance to save maybe one or two other people.
Who do you save? I wonder, I look around the bus and try to decide these things. Because all the people I see are complete strangers the only thing I can do is think about who has the highest survival chance and choose the people that would die without me but live with my help. What would you do?

Love from Cindy :3

School Exams Week

Today I had a German oral exam. My teacher was going to hire me as an Au pair. Maybe telling him that I was chaotic was not a very smart thing to do. He said he needed his children to live in an organized house, after that I just kept digging my own grave. So I thought it went ok but not great. Turns out I got an 8/10! It made me feel a bit better before the actual torture of the day.

A math test... I tried I really did. I just forgot how to calculate the standard deviation. Stupid statistic and probability theory.

Luckily I could end my day with some fun too. I liked visiting my sister and seeing my nephew and niece again. Playing mariokart for the wii with my nephew is not exactly relaxing though. He shouts out that I'm losing every 3 seconds, and tries to sabotage me in every way possibly. My nephew is 4 and his little sister is almost 2 years old. I love them both I really do but sometimes they test my patience and make me doubt my dream as a future mother. When my nephew jumps on me when I'm lying on the couch and hits me in the crotch for the tenth time it just makes me feel grateful for the fact that I'm not a guy.

Love from Cindy :3

Back again

I stopped posting for more than a year, I know. But since my life is pretty busy and a lot of things are making me confused I thought I'd start this blog again to maybe make things easier for myself to process and understand. So here it goes.

About a week ago I heard my father was seriously ill and I felt like my world was falling apart. His chances aren't very good but of course we will do everything in our power to help him and his spirits are high.

My stepmother and I didn't take the news very well but now we're slowly getting back up.

I also have some good news. I got hired as a photographer for a sport photography company. This week I'll take my first pictures and send them back. The first 13 weeks I will be a beginner, a trainee. After those 13 weeks hopefully I'll be a Freelancer. This is much closer to my interests than the job at the food selling place! Mostly I'll be taking pictures of children sport teams. It's like a being school photographer except for sports.

Today I talked to a friend of mine in Australia. I haven't actually ever met him but I hope to meet him when I go to Australia next year. Next to my photography job I also have a job at a call-centre. It's not my dream job but the pay is good and I have some fun conversations. Just last week I had an old lady talking to me about her internet. She said she was very proud to have completed 2 computer courses and she only just started using, what's that called again? ...E-mail! Old ladies are so cute :)

Love from Cindy :3